The ability of your mood to change within minutes. Why am I so affected by these lately?

I can go from loving :charl: to wanting to rip her head off, a la yesterday within minutes. Why am I suddenly becoming so wound up at little things she does? Things that wouldn’t normally bother me? Yesterday she was, like, 9 minutes late meeting me and I was standing round in the cold and I acted like it was a big fucking deal, come on it was 9 minutes, I didn’t freeze or anything. I’m really scaring myself with this. I know I’m gonna fuck it up but I just can’t seem to keep my big mouth shut. I read the article in “Glamour” that :charl: showed me about wanting to ruin things when they’re going well as I believe I’m a failure, maybe it’s right. Maybe I am doing that? Maybe it’s not her pushing me away (which is what I feel) but maybe it’s me pushing her away so that I stop being so close. Because her being close gives her that incredible position of hurting me so much. I watch too much TV and it’s ruined my idea that people can ever be happy.

I watched Jerrimiah last night on Sky One (I wish I’d got Sky One earlier than last week as this show kicks ass, shame about it’s time.) Jeremiah and Kurdy visitied this colony that had forbidden touching at the threat of ‘dissapearing’ (tribe style . There were this couple, a young lad and a young girl. They were in love and they ran away and when they were in the woods they touched for the first time (which obviously led to sex . They were caught by the town ‘elders’ and the lad was stoned to death leaving the girl (who Jeremiah rescued) pretty distraught as she saw the lads stoned face. Good show, didn’t really make me a happy bunny though.

I suck at being an emotional person, really I do.