Reflections, snow and automagic doors…

diary Evening all.

Today has been a real mixed bag of emotions. I’ve just finished reading through my diary files back from 1998 and it’s thrown up a few feelings:

a) Why the hell! Did I use so many exclamation marks and I sounded so childish and gah, they make no real sense.

b) I was so stupid in so many things.

c) I couldn’t write in sentances to save my life.

d) God, I feel so ashamed of going through a “l33t” stage where I wrote “cuz” “innit” and other stupid words.

Mainly just feeling sad, though. I miss my old life in a way. Mainly in the way that I can’t remember a lot of it as well as I want to and also in the way that so many things were left without a proper ending. Friends just withered away through my fault, never contacting anyone and also through others faults, people not liking me etc. Mainly I just miss some of the friends I had back then. But also in the other breath I think to myself, were they just using me? I mean when I look back to writings of Sarah and others it does seem that way. *sigh*

It’s snowing here in Nottingham. Was absolutely chucking it down when I left work. Michelle took a great picture earlier which is on her blog. Click.

Had a dream about automatic doors last night. More than likely to do with the fact that our automagic doors were fixed yesterday.

Nanite all
B

Posted in Me, The Archive, Work Stuff on November 19th, 2004

TheMole

Obviously I thought of our friendship as more than just a connection between you and Alex, but then again I guess most of my time at Guthlaxton was in Alex's shadow, being friends with Alex's friends.. Matt and Keith are the two biggest examples of that! I guess now that I've finally grown up I've left his shadow (even though I now live with him!) and have completely different friends. I guess I could say I've finally found who I am (God, that is cliche.)

And for someone who as a person is so awesome it never really felt like people thought that. But that's history, I'm not going to be back at Guthlaxton, I'm prolly never gonna be facing you (and others) again..

Hope life is treating you well, B.

(Appologies on the lateness of the reply, not that you'll see it, but I couldn't really think what to put.)

Sarah

I can’t speak for everyone, but I never used you.
After I disconnected myself from Alex, I lost you- as he was the only connection between us. Don’t always think it’s something to do with you: As a person, you’re awesome.

red

It's pretty cold here tonight - but I'm still not wwearing a coat! No snow... YET.