…till they played that song tonight.
An update for the life of me:
* Work : EPoS installation went very unsmoothly and I managed to pull my longest shift ever, 23 hours. At which point my boss told me to “fuck off home.” Then over the course of the next two weeks we managed to trade “online” for literally about 20 hours due to it taking a week to diagnose the switch was fucked then the server having a hardware fuck up, followed by the ADSL going to some other undisclosed holiday destination. I put in the hours and it paid off as I got a pat on the back and a pay rise 
* Phones : I cracked the screen for my n73. I replaced the screen with a Hong Kong knock off from eBay. I then dropped my phone onto a table corner and cracked that screen. My contract is not far from being up and I’ve been offered a “buy out” from another network. I’m tempted but I’ve really got to decide on if I want to plump up some cash and go for my ULTIMATE phone, which is the n95. Which I’m not going to be able to get without paying some moolah. Or get a Sony k800i for free and reducing my monthly line rental. The k800i is nice, it has a good camera but I just can’t get away from the fact it’s not a smartphone. And I like the fact that I can run TomTom and other such shit on my n73. Also the n95 comes with built in WiFi and GPS, TV Out and massage-on-demand. Well, almost all of them.
* Homelife : TianTian has gone back to China *sob* I dropped her off at Heathrow yesterday…
…which meant I got to go round lots of Smith’s which is always fun. Apologies about the quality of the photo it was taken on my backup phone, an LG something or other which has a camera capable of 640×480 VGA. Fuck yeh! So, Tian has gone back to have her wedding ceremony which is odd considering the circumstances but strangely OK by me. She’ll be back later in August with no doubt another suitcase full of Chinese food. I spent the night at Crishna’s so that I didn’t have to drive all the way back up on the day I drove down and we watched Die Hard 4.0 and all I can say is Yippee Kay Aye! I could tell it wasn’t Crishna’s kind of film by all the flinching and closing of eyes.. hah. Also she made me some sausage rolls for the journey back up. I remember now how much I love sausage rolls! So that’s pretty much me in a nutshell for the past few weeks whilst I’ve not been putting anything up. I lead such an interestingly boring life, I’m sure you’ll agree.
And to my Munch Bunch Scruffy McFluffy. It will be alright one day, just not now. You’re not the only one with a hole in your heart and I’m just trying to deal with it as best I can. I’ve never done it before, I’ve made mistakes and I probably will continue to do so. I just can’t be “just” friends with you. You might not love me in that way anymore and can put your feelings aside, but I can’t and being near you wouldn’t be fair on your new guy. I wish it could be different, really.
Now, off to work a 2-10 shift.
Lost in you and I can’t find myself again
B
Me too. I miss you too much to think I’ll never ever see you again. x
P.S Have you still got any of my photos from when I went on holiday with the girls or generally any photos of them? Curtese is in hospital and I wanted to get her some photos of us all to remind her of the good times. Don’t worry if you’ve deleted them or don’t have them. I’d appreciate it if you could email me them if you do, I haven’t got a new email address or anything. Don’t worry if you can’t. Just look after yourself. (and Crishna, with her busted ankle! Ouch!)
x
P.P.S Raff says hi, he misses you too.
RE 1st Post: To be honest what did you expect? I’m not trying to be nasty or anything but you cheated on me. Yes, I wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world, far from it, but you could of just broken up with me. You didn’t have to go and fall in love with a supposed ex-friend like 4 days later and like you can fall in love that quick anyway, so it was obviously happening whilst you were still with me, you may of never physically cheated on me. But mentally you must of. Hell, I said all them times before if you cheated I would kill you. You’ve made the last year of my life the most painful and awful thing I’ve had to experience… I mean it’s 9 months on and I wish I could get over you.. but I just fucking cant and I cant seem to move on with my life because of that. And do you know what? It pisses me off that it took you 4 days to get over me, to shack up with someone that you’ve said before physically repulses you, to get married to and to be blissfully happy and that you can turn off the chemisty/love/lust/emotions you supposedly had for me and just be “friends”. I don’t want to see you because I do believe I could honestly kill you. You’ve ruined my life, I’m not blaming you for it as it was me that fucked you off so much that you went away but I really don’t want to be reminded of the fact that I threw away the best thing that was in my life because you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I screwed it up and I don’t want to be just friends with you and be stuck in the whole unrequited love thing. I’d just get my heart broken again because I doubt I could win you back as you seem so God-damned happy with him. I guess in the end I was right about him always being better than me in everything and wanting/getting everything I had.
RE 2nd Post: See my latest blog post, I’ve put them in a folder on my website for you. There’s about 40mb of photos, but I didn’t sort through them so there may accidently be pictures of you/me sorry for that.
B.