…if you let me.

Bonjour readers.

I am now on two weeks holiday. Very needed. In about three hours I’m gonna sit on a coach for three hours down to London and, hopefully, a place to clear my head. The last few months have been shitty - it has to be said. Both in work and in ‘love.’

Tian and myself are pretty much over. It’s a complicated one and one which I don’t expect anyone to really get their head around - unless of course they’ve been in the same situation of having a Chinese wife cheating on their husband with you, I mention the race because it really has a lot to do with the culture, not because I’m a racist, intolerant bastard. As pretty much every friend has said “you need to get out” and, in some ways, I’ve known they’ve been right. But it’s the random glimmers that did keep it alive. It’s one of them things for me… it’d be easy to leave if I knew she was only using me for sex/support/whatever, it’d be easy to leave if I knew that she didn’t love me. Of course, that’s not the case. I know, and she’s said, that she’d be happier with me but she’s too scared of the family fall out to actually make that jump. For some reason she’s unable to do something that will make herself happy, it’s all about what will make the parents happy and a white boy with no prospects compared to a yellow dude who’s from a rich family and going to get a job in the government. It’s no contest. She puts on this wall of ‘I don’t care’, most likely as a way to feel less guilty for the fact she’s a cheating wife but every few days she’ll show her true feelings - come find me and tell me how much she cares, stay the night and make me feel wonderful. I tried to work out if it coincided with her wanting me to take her somewhere in the car, but it didn’t.. Cynical, me? No! Anyways, now she’s got two kids on the way and she’ll be going back to China in January sometime to stay until babies are out and she’s becoming more and more cold towards me I think it’s time I took friends advice. I mean I can’t cope with someone that only shows me how they feel on a weekly basis! :p

It was good while it lasted

Work… well, where to start. I seem to be cursed that whatever store I’m at has the manager disappear. I’m starting to think it’s something that I’m doing Anyways, my boss returns from long term sick today (which is the first day I’m off) and it’ll be interesting to see if things go back to the way they were or whether the improvements that have been made will stick. We’ve made a lot of changes whilst we’ve had every other manager in the area in and I think a lot of them are for the better and show the staff that, ultimately, we are the boss and not them. Which is what I know it was like before hand. We had supervisors who were too afraid to supervise and managers too afraid to manager. We paid double and triple to those who were doing overtime when it should of been standard time and basically bent over backwards for all staff so that ‘they stayed on our side.’ Me, coming from the places I’ve come from, I always found it a bit weird and bizarre, especially the time we caught someone eating stock from the shopfloor and I did interview and recommended it go to last written warning and in the end nothing happened. But I’m hopeful that when I return it’ll be good. Either that or I’ve got the sack

So, anyways, off to London to relax, go France with Crishna and Han for a day and probably meet a couple of other friends that I’ve not seen in a while. Oh - and of course - a Shakeaway or two or three or…!

don’t tell me to ‘mind the gap’ - i want my fucking money back
B